


For the Things I've Seen and Done May Not be Taken Back

by victoriousscarf



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't about like, or love, and they weren't the most important things in each other's lives. </p><p>Spock and McCoy at various points in the five year mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where No Man Has Gone Before

**Author's Note:**

> Several years ago I set out to write a fic or drabble for every Star Trek episode on the notion that Spock and McCoy where having a relationship. I got pretty close to finishing it but never quite. So with enough years between me and the fic, it felt like time to just rewrite the whole thing. 
> 
> Name may be definitely inspired by the more creative episode titles of season 3.

It was not that Spock disliked Dr. Piper.

After all, he would not admit to either liking or disliking any fellow crewmember. It would be unprofessional and far too emotional to do any such thing and he was certainly neither of those.

However, he could almost feel something niggling at the back of his mind, something that made him turn slightly away from Piper and pay more attention to everyone else in the room.

But it was not a matter of like or dislike because he had neither emotion for anyone on the crew—except, possibly, the captain.

Until Piper retired due to unexpected complications and his replacement was sent, a drawl and a smirk and very blue eyes as he rocked back and forth on his heels and considered the ship he’d been transported to. Turning his grin on Spock, he looked like he knew something.

Spock disliked him. 


	2. The Man Trap

It was not that Spock worried about McCoy. The man was loud, full of opinions and completely illogical. Sometimes Spock was not so sure he was a good doctor either, for exactly those reasons. McCoy would push himself when he should rest, and miss obvious signs. He would allow his emotions to cloud his judgment and render him blind to the situation at hand.

When love entered the picture, Spock was even less sure he should trust the doctor.

 But the captain’s life was on the line and McCoy was the only option, even if it meant killing the creature that looked like someone he loved.

Spock almost wondered what he might have done, being faced with a phaser and the sight of someone he cared for on the other side of it. No matter how much he told himself he would do his duty and realize that the salt creature was not who it looked like, he realized he could not be sure.

He might have hesitated.

The next day he set a cup of tea next to McCoy and walked out of the room before the doctor could do anything. 


	3. Charlie X

McCoy perched. He perched on his chairs, on railings, even on instrumental control panels. The tenser he became, the more likely he was to find a surface to plant himself precariously on.

It was a habit he had since living on the old farm with his mother, perching on fences or sitting in trees and talking to her about his problems.

But he shocked himself when he perched on Spock’s consol, leaning toward his shoulder as they exchanged barbs. He wasn’t tense, and he didn’t trust Spock so there was no reason for him to be sitting there, but it felt entirely natural non-the-less. 


	4. The Naked Time

Spock rarely gave into his emotions because he still battled himself over whether or not he had them.

But he had never told his mother he loved her.

Sitting in one of the conference rooms, hands barely holding his head off the table, he sobbed even as he was unsure why he was allowing himself to do so.

Except that he refused to give into emotion, and he had never told his mother he loved her. Deep down he knew something was wrong, and when it was fixed, he would never tell another soul he loved them because he could not.

Because he was a Vulcan.

And he did not love.

Maybe that was the greatest tragedy of his existence. 


	5. The Enemy Within

“Perhaps if you did not drink so much, the captain would never have asked for your brandy,” Spock said, hands behind his perfectly straight back and McCoy scowled at him.

“Perhaps if you drank more, you’d understand,” he said.

The tip of Spock’s eyebrow twitched up and McCoy wished to hell and god both that he was not still fascinated by that movement, however many months of being on the ship later. “Drinking is a weakness,” Spock said. “It not only clouds one’s judgment, but the very admittance that one needs it allows for abuse and can be taken advantage of.”

“It’s also a matter of enjoyment,” McCoy said, still scowling.

“That is a human emotion,” Spock returned and considered McCoy’s cabinet again. “We should find the captain.”

McCoy huffed, muttering about green blood and pointy ears and shoved toward the door, missing the tiny frown Spock sent after him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I wrote these in production order... this time due to the nature of my rewatch they are in airing order.


	6. Mudd's Women

McCoy often was anything but professional. He let emotion get the better of him, running into danger when any logical being would understand that there was no point. Or he would lean back, eyes sparkling and laugh at Spock when they should have been focused on the issue at hand.

But sometimes, Spock would be surprised to see McCoy intently focused on his instruments rather than a pretty face and he could not help but approve. He would have hated himself for noticing, if that would not have been too much of a surrender, admitting he hated anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe someone once told me this was one of the first episodes they shipped Spock and McCoy in cos McCoy was more interested in his medical readings than a pretty woman and wouldn't Spock be so proud? That's never really left my head.


	7. What are Little Girls Made Of?

Spock had learned to accept barbs and uncivilized comments from McCoy. There was something about the way he said them that did not feel like a dig against Spock the same way Spock usually hoped the doctor did not take his barbs about his ability to save lives seriously.

But sometimes they felt serious. Sometimes he wondered if McCoy could serve on a ship like this and truly mean the things he said, eyes narrowed as he watched Spock.

Nothing McCoy said had the same impact as Kirk snarling the insults at him. It did not take him long at all to understand what had happened, or to take a landing party down to the surface but still his stomach turned over when he thought about it.

He did not want McCoy to mean any of the things he said. The next time they met in the halls as the ship moved away, he almost asked if McCoy thought he meant the things Spock said to him about his doctor skills. Instead, he nodded and they passed in silence.

Spock still did not know.

But he found himself hoping. 


End file.
